The reason (yeah its long, you wanna know, deal with it)

So i'm informed that i havnt been updateing my blog enough recently and i should get on it.

Truth be told i do have a couple ideas for posts, just havnt gotten around to them in the last week and a bit cause ALOT of crap has been going down, and i will post those ideas sometime in the next little while, but let me give you an update as to whats been going on.

So rewind back to Tuesday November 21st. This day started out as a great day, i was finally 100% recovered from the November 1st mess of stuff that needed to get done. I was all caught up and wednesday , thursday and friday were set up to be the days when i worked ahead and got lots done for the first of the month so i wasnt swamped.

6:00pm Tuesday - I get home after making a couple stops, i got a phone call from my dads wife. My dad has been in the hospital for cancer treatments for a few weeks, but has taken a bad turn and i should probly get itno calgary right away.

8:00pm-1:am november 21-22 - at the foothills hospital, been in to see my dad breifley, he is not doing well, his fever is very high and he is having troubles breathing and has to have an oxygen mask on. he has neumonia and some rare bug in his bloood. his labored breathing has affected his heart.

7:00 am-1pm - november 22 - call from dads wife, things are still not going well. return to hopsital. visit with dad a few times, he is not allowed to talk because his heart rate is too high and unstable because the breathing needed to talk takes to much effort.

6-9pm - return to hospital, visit with dad, same as earlier but doing better.

Thursday november 23 - dont go to visit untill later because havnt heard about any changes.
8:00 pm - stop to visit with dad, no one else is there, he is doing MUCH better no longer wearing the full oxygen mask, and he is allowed to talk. visit with dad for over an hour, he is doing so well, talking about taking him OUT of ICU and back to the cancer ward tomorrow night.

10:00pm return to innisfail and work on friday. Friday is spent doing damage control on what i missed wednesday and thurday and i dont much feel like working.

Friday night, travel back to calgary to visit Amy. Dont go to visit dad cause i'm told he is still doing well and when i got back to the city it was late already.

Saturday morning - call from Dads wife. they moved him to the cancer ward and then quickly back to ICU. his heart rate has spiked and is VERY high. when i get to see him, they have intubated him (tube into lungs to help clear them of infection and to help him breath) he is sedated, and so any of the seeing him i have done is hard because he can not respond.

Sunday, on my way out of the city i stop to see him breifly, no change, but heart rate has gone down a little, but is still high. no point is staying around cause he is not concious.

I spent somthing like 50+ dollars on parking throughout the last 5 days at the hospital and at the residence building.

I have borrowed my girlfriends cell phone in case they need to reach me quickly.

This week is stupid busy,

Monday november 27th - i got no work ahead done last week, so now i have a GIANT stack of contracts to burn through this week, most due by wednesday at noon, and thursday at noon. I hear nothing from calgary, and just keep working, but keep chekcing the phone every 5 minutes to see if i missed a call.

Tuesday november 28th - tired of not having an update i call the hospital and get the run around, finnaly get ahold of my dads wife, who tells me there has been no changce, still sedated, vitals stable (heart rate still high), they took stem cells from him monday and tuesday. Still LOTS of work to do. I wokred late to get stuff done. more stuff keeps coming.

Wednesday - novemebr 29th - work is looking up, i am almost caught up, but still have lots to do. again no calls from my dads wife. I work late again tonight to continue trying to catch up. and then on the way home i stop to do some shopping (or looking around at least)

on the highway at about 7:15 PM, the cell phone starts ringing, JUST as the road conditions get a little worse, very windy and blowing snow. Its my dads wife. things are not good. His heart rate is FINALLY back down to normal, he is still sedated and intubated. and this everning his kindeys have begun to fail. so NOW he is on dialasis.

which brings us to today. november 30th: nothing since that call. I am more angy about all this then anything. its almost been a week since his really bad turn and he has been sedated since. he is now intubated and on dialasis. and NOBODY will say that he's going to die. yes i love him, yes i want him to live, but can we be realistic?...even if he pulls past inactive kidneys, bad lungs, (now) bad heart, neumonia, some bug, plus a couple other things, he STILL has 2-3 months of cancer treatments that may or may not even work.

all anybody says is , when or if he gets through this (pick an issue) we'll do this..bull fucking shit. just fucking say it...my father is going to die, he will not make it to his 62nd birthday, he will not see me get married, he will never see his yet unconcieved grandchildren. and i doubt he will see the 7th year of the millenium. and in fact i dont want him too. i dont want him to go through this for another month. my dads wife has stated that she knows he would not want to be on life support and so do I. yet thats basically where he's at now.

how many more tubes and pipes and needles do they have to stick into him to keep him going before they just say enough is enough? its really fucking hard to see him the way he is, and i dont want to see him fade away more and more as he gets tired, before they finnaly let him go.

So all week i have known the call could come at anytime, but now its more likley than ever and honestly i think i would rather it be sooner than later.

thats it, a real update sometime this weekend, maybe tommorow afternoon.


"I like the way colors taste.Except I don't like crimsons...or turquoises...especially when they put their heads into their shells and won't play and when you break their shells to let them out they die..."

A Page From that Brad Mattford guy' book

I've decided to follow the example of my friend and post links to some of my favortie sites scattered across the internet.

Some will be fun, some will be in depth, some will just be a single video.

First the random:
http://gprime.net/flash.php/youareapirate

The greatest flash video/song ever:
http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

My daily doses, the best comic, tv, video game, movie related sites
http://www.penny-arcade.com/
http://ctrlaltdel-online.com/

Another good comic, not the best, but there is some gold in there
http://dieselsweeties.com/

Like music? have a band you like? want to know more like them? want to create your own radio station?Say Hello to
http://www.pandora.com/

Two of my best friends blogs:
http://somethingbradford.blogspot.com/
http://reednrite.blogspot.com/

And the game responsible for getting me healthier by helping me drink more water.
(you'll have to ask me to explain THAT one)
http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html

i think thats good enough for now.

More to come...and a REAL post soon, i promise


"Have you ever had one of those days when something just seems to be trying to tell you somebody?"

Depression Sets In Once Again

For those that know me, you know I have had rough times in my past. Periods where I would go through pretty bad cases of depression, usually without reason whatsoever. For the most part over the last year and a half I have banished those times from my life completley. But every once in a while I drop down a little....Tonight (this weekend?) is one of those times.

The cause? about the only thing that still gets me down like this. Lack of friends, companions, social life, etc. I got off work early today, I was home by 4:30...what have I done since then? Absolutly NOTHING. I watched lots of tv, played some video games, and watched some more videos on my computer. thats basically sums up what i have done for the last 8 hours. sad yes, story of my life? ...even more so.

Even my mom who hasnt had a social life for most of mine spend most friday nights these days hanging with friends untill 4 in the morning...when was the last time i was even awask at 4 in the morning....no fucking clue

Straight to the point, i have no life. at least not when I am not seeing my girlfriend. I'm not saying I CANT have a life without her, its not like i am completley dependant on her for fun, i just simply DONT have a life or friends, or at least not any that i see outside of work, or when My girlfriend isnt around.

I am a sad sad little man. But i'm mostly used to it, its been this way my entire life. never any really good friends. I moved from my home town at 13, i never had many friends there. In my new home i had a couple friends, but for the most part we only saw each other in school. Things have only gotton worse over the years, less and less friends, and those that i do have I certainly wouldnt call "good" friends. they NEVER call me, they always forget to include me in things, half the time when they are around they dont want to do anything anyway.

So i went away for a year, made some new friends...that have never kept in touch, no matter how hard i try, even moved in with one of them for like 3 months. later found out that he was living in my province for 4 months before he contacted me...days before he went back home.

So i got a job in a new city, made a bunch of friends there. some that I though were really good...untill they stopped ever calling me, replying to my calls or emails. EVER.

So i went off to school in a differant city..made a bunch of classmates who never invited me to the parties or whatever it is they do with out me. Keep in touch with none of them cause none of them keep in touch with me even though they keep in touch with each other.

So why the fuck do i always attract the same kind of friends? the ones that put no effort into the relationship and honestly dont seem to care if we never see or hear from each other again?

The current group of friends i have, are coworkers and i have notthing against them, we sit in a room with each other for 8 hours a day 5 days a week, understand us not seeing each other often outside of work...but WTF about EVERYBODY else?

Honestly? why have i been doomed my entire life to have no worthwile friends? if i were to ever get married i have no idea who my groomsman/best man will be..no fucking idea...none of my "friends" deserve it. they all ditch me and ignore me every chance they get....yet i keep trying to be friends with them? why? cause they are the only fucking friends i have and ever will have.

oh well...so guess what i'm doing this weekend? thats rig7ht,. the same fucking thing i've been doing all night.

"If it ain't real - fake it!If it ain't yours - take it!If it's all gone bad - forsake it!If it ain't broke - break it..."

(WARNING COMPLAINING AHEAD)

Okay, so for the most part I have a very kick ass job. I love it. Not once have a awoken in the morning and though "I dont want to go to work today", sure i say, man i just dont want to get out of bed, ..but it is never because of work, i just like sleep.

Anyway, i love my job, i want to keep my job, i love my co-workers almost in a universal basis (that means almost all of the 40+ other people i work with)

It is by far not a HARD job, it can be difficult to get stuff done some times, and occasionally it is stressfull. but overall it is a fun, entertaining, easy and enjoyable job.

But there are times...not many but they exist, where i despise the whole damn industry. and usually it is caused by one individuel. now this individuel occasionaly changes, but recently it has been the same one over and over and OVER again that has just so fearsomly irked me.

My point is, its so easy for one person/experiance to ruin somthing for sombody. Think about it. how many times in your life have you been out somewhere, at a party or a movie, and the night has been ruined by just one individuel.

Today is one of those days. I mean this whole week has been crappy and busy and a littel stressfull, but today it all came to one person talking to me twice and frankley just royally pissing me off. eventhough part of it was my fault, i just dont like talking to or dealing with this individuel EVER. and every time i hear the name or see it on my call display i cringe/shutter/sign in annoyance. I just cant help it. its all based on my past dealings with them. not that the person is ever mean to me, its just the condisending, judgmental, superiority complex, whiney attitude/tone this person takes with me and everyone else.

okay i've ranted, been distracted, fumed, simmered...i'm done.

um, so yeah....oops

Okay, so after my rant i decided to look into the 4th book in the series i was talking about that ended in a cliffhanger and have been waiting (so far) 4.5 years for the next book. So it turns out that one of the 2 authors involved in writing the series, dies in 2005...so that might just maybe explain the delay...but still, 3 years between book? come, in the series they have only published 3 books and the first came out in 1991.

okay so anyway, still upset by the whole making me wait thing, but also feel a little bad cause the women died.....ooops.

F***'n Trilogys

Why does everything have to be a trilogy?

Okay so there's the saying good things come in three's. I'm okay with that. I agree with it, there are plenty of great 3's in the world' and in fact i am a big fan of many of them. movies, books, sexual gatherings (the F+F+M kind, none of that F+M+M nonsense)
lots of goodness to be had for all in the pressence of 3.

Some of my fave things are in fact trilogys:

Movies: lord of the rings (this fits in the book catagory too), x-men, star wars (original of course), die hard, indianna jones.

Books: Lord of the rings, darksword, shannara books

but seriously, the trilogy has become so cliche. its over done.

I bought a new book a few weeks ago ( i bought a few but i am talking about one specificall).
Its from an author i know and love, at first glance it was a stand alone novel, removed from his main line of books. then i thought it was part of a smaller series. then i thought it was stand alone again. then it acctually turns out to be a bridge to link both. so thats cool. So i'm all settled in for a good read, ready for an awsome stand alone story.

AND IT DOESNT END PROPERLY

do a little more research...and its another freaking trilogy. Now this man provided me with one of my fave trilogys (although the can be read seperately), and has writtena couple others. but seriously. i HATE THAT..at least have the common curtasy to say "book 1 of 3" on the cover or somthing, so i can buy the book, and put it on the shelf untill the set is done and i can read them all in one go without having to wait 2 years inbetween books.

at least i know with this author it will be only a couple years, i have been waiting for a 4th book in a series, that book 3 ended on a cliffhanger for 4 years and counting.

Seriously

WTF

just write one big freaking book, release them all at the same time, warn me, or DO SOMETHING DIFFERANT FOR ONCE.

I may love your books, but not everything has to come in threes. even if i have previosuly mentiond that i really enjoy them.


"Sail Away Sweet Sister"

The Other Candiadate

Okay, so if you've read the latest post by that guy over at Somethingbradford, you'd now that he is trying to get elected employee of the year, and he has only worked at his job since the 12th of June.

I personally everyone should vote for me instead. I wont go on and on about why i deserve it like he does. basically all you have to do is take his campaign statements and add "But Phill is cooler" to the end of it and you will pretty much get the idea. that and I have been here longer than he has. so yeah. if you get the chance, vote for me and not that other guy.

Weapons of mass distraction

Okay, to the point. I admit I am horrible at keeping up with "responsibilities"

the main thing keeping me from you will also be what brings me to you with greater ease in the future.

That thing? A BRAND SPANKING NEW SUPER AWSOME COMPUTER. So yeah thats been taking up a lot of my time, setting it up, figureing everything out and generally basking in its greatness....what can i say, i'm a "21st century digital boy".(awsome song that i forgot all about untill today)


So yesterday was Guy Fawkes day. i hope it was "explosivly" good for you. Its funny, i just watched V for vendetta on Saturday, the day before the day that the movie revolves around..so that was pretty cool, cause i had no idea that V had anything to do with GF or November the 5th in general.

So today's topic is crimes against state and such. and why they always seem to happen at the wrong time, and never at the times that could prove wholly benificial.

Now dont get me wrong this is NOT an endorsment for assasination or murder or conspiracys or anything like that.
but just look at all the murders and assasination attempts on presidents, kings, dictators and such. who lives and who dies? The presidents that were assasinated were some of the greatest men in history who did so much good, such as good ol Abe Lincoln. Tsar Nicholas, not really that bad, John Lennon, a musical genious, Gahndi..the most peacful man in the world, beloved by millions.

Then there is those that have gone thier entire contorversial reigns and never even been attempted on...case in point...Bush... he is hated by most of the world and even most of his own country. Public oppinion of the united states has dropped drastically, and global perception leans heavely towards fear and terror...yet no one has even tried to take him out? I just dont understand.

Once again, i dont think this should be done, we can put up with him for 2 more years (hopefully the world lasts that long) but why do these people always seem to aim for the good guys?

The great people of the world are destroyed and those that destroy go on...to do greatly terrible things to the world.