The reason (yeah its long, you wanna know, deal with it)

So i'm informed that i havnt been updateing my blog enough recently and i should get on it.

Truth be told i do have a couple ideas for posts, just havnt gotten around to them in the last week and a bit cause ALOT of crap has been going down, and i will post those ideas sometime in the next little while, but let me give you an update as to whats been going on.

So rewind back to Tuesday November 21st. This day started out as a great day, i was finally 100% recovered from the November 1st mess of stuff that needed to get done. I was all caught up and wednesday , thursday and friday were set up to be the days when i worked ahead and got lots done for the first of the month so i wasnt swamped.

6:00pm Tuesday - I get home after making a couple stops, i got a phone call from my dads wife. My dad has been in the hospital for cancer treatments for a few weeks, but has taken a bad turn and i should probly get itno calgary right away.

8:00pm-1:am november 21-22 - at the foothills hospital, been in to see my dad breifley, he is not doing well, his fever is very high and he is having troubles breathing and has to have an oxygen mask on. he has neumonia and some rare bug in his bloood. his labored breathing has affected his heart.

7:00 am-1pm - november 22 - call from dads wife, things are still not going well. return to hopsital. visit with dad a few times, he is not allowed to talk because his heart rate is too high and unstable because the breathing needed to talk takes to much effort.

6-9pm - return to hospital, visit with dad, same as earlier but doing better.

Thursday november 23 - dont go to visit untill later because havnt heard about any changes.
8:00 pm - stop to visit with dad, no one else is there, he is doing MUCH better no longer wearing the full oxygen mask, and he is allowed to talk. visit with dad for over an hour, he is doing so well, talking about taking him OUT of ICU and back to the cancer ward tomorrow night.

10:00pm return to innisfail and work on friday. Friday is spent doing damage control on what i missed wednesday and thurday and i dont much feel like working.

Friday night, travel back to calgary to visit Amy. Dont go to visit dad cause i'm told he is still doing well and when i got back to the city it was late already.

Saturday morning - call from Dads wife. they moved him to the cancer ward and then quickly back to ICU. his heart rate has spiked and is VERY high. when i get to see him, they have intubated him (tube into lungs to help clear them of infection and to help him breath) he is sedated, and so any of the seeing him i have done is hard because he can not respond.

Sunday, on my way out of the city i stop to see him breifly, no change, but heart rate has gone down a little, but is still high. no point is staying around cause he is not concious.

I spent somthing like 50+ dollars on parking throughout the last 5 days at the hospital and at the residence building.

I have borrowed my girlfriends cell phone in case they need to reach me quickly.

This week is stupid busy,

Monday november 27th - i got no work ahead done last week, so now i have a GIANT stack of contracts to burn through this week, most due by wednesday at noon, and thursday at noon. I hear nothing from calgary, and just keep working, but keep chekcing the phone every 5 minutes to see if i missed a call.

Tuesday november 28th - tired of not having an update i call the hospital and get the run around, finnaly get ahold of my dads wife, who tells me there has been no changce, still sedated, vitals stable (heart rate still high), they took stem cells from him monday and tuesday. Still LOTS of work to do. I wokred late to get stuff done. more stuff keeps coming.

Wednesday - novemebr 29th - work is looking up, i am almost caught up, but still have lots to do. again no calls from my dads wife. I work late again tonight to continue trying to catch up. and then on the way home i stop to do some shopping (or looking around at least)

on the highway at about 7:15 PM, the cell phone starts ringing, JUST as the road conditions get a little worse, very windy and blowing snow. Its my dads wife. things are not good. His heart rate is FINALLY back down to normal, he is still sedated and intubated. and this everning his kindeys have begun to fail. so NOW he is on dialasis.

which brings us to today. november 30th: nothing since that call. I am more angy about all this then anything. its almost been a week since his really bad turn and he has been sedated since. he is now intubated and on dialasis. and NOBODY will say that he's going to die. yes i love him, yes i want him to live, but can we be realistic?...even if he pulls past inactive kidneys, bad lungs, (now) bad heart, neumonia, some bug, plus a couple other things, he STILL has 2-3 months of cancer treatments that may or may not even work.

all anybody says is , when or if he gets through this (pick an issue) we'll do this..bull fucking shit. just fucking say it...my father is going to die, he will not make it to his 62nd birthday, he will not see me get married, he will never see his yet unconcieved grandchildren. and i doubt he will see the 7th year of the millenium. and in fact i dont want him too. i dont want him to go through this for another month. my dads wife has stated that she knows he would not want to be on life support and so do I. yet thats basically where he's at now.

how many more tubes and pipes and needles do they have to stick into him to keep him going before they just say enough is enough? its really fucking hard to see him the way he is, and i dont want to see him fade away more and more as he gets tired, before they finnaly let him go.

So all week i have known the call could come at anytime, but now its more likley than ever and honestly i think i would rather it be sooner than later.

thats it, a real update sometime this weekend, maybe tommorow afternoon.


"I like the way colors taste.Except I don't like crimsons...or turquoises...especially when they put their heads into their shells and won't play and when you break their shells to let them out they die..."